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Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Adding Time or Stealing Hours?

We’re in a scary place, he and I.  We’re in a place where worry and fear cling to me like a shadow; black,  always following.  We have walked away from the traditional job and started this business so that the man might be fulfilled deep in his soul and do what he was born to do, to work the land and feed the families and provide for his own.
But this place and the worry can entirely undo me.  Many are the days I run the errands and buy the needs and I think how is it possible?  How do we cover all the needs?   You see, there are three who continue to grow tall and the food they eat is endless, and the bills know no free month, and there is still the matter of the roof over our heads and the soles under our feet.   We lay in the early hours before the sun is on the rise, fingers laced and we wonder, “Will we survive?  Will we be alright?”   There’s more to it than we thought.  The challenges are big and loom like mountains but he assures me we will be okay.   Does he really believe or is he brave for me?  He knows that matters of finances are my Achilles heel and he works to soothe my anxious mind, comfort me with his strength.
Days pass and I am on the hunt for the right surprise, gift for friend.  I pass a lone bird perched high on the shelf.  It seems this bird has eyes only for me and I turn 360 to make sure.  Yes, this small, iron bird is looking at me, through me.  All day long that bird keeps coming back to me, over and over.  I have believed long enough to know that when The Lord wants my attention, He gently presses the same thing again and again; luring.  I search His Word hard and I find spiritual treasure, golden words of peace.  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is life not more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” {Matthew 6:25-27, NIV}
  I wince as I look back in the rear view mirror of my life.  I chastise myself.  Has God not proven Himself faithful time and time again?  Has He not  given me more than I dared to ask for myself?   I confess, early on in this journey I believed His love might end, that a good God might run out of goodness.  If I believe as I say I do, I must fully trust.  Let go of worry’s choking grip and and open the palm to receive what He gives.  Professing to believe and not trusting are incompatible - square peg,  round hole. I read this verse again and my heart begins to relax. I can trust because He has proven Himself trustworthy!  I breathe deep and know that regardless of what comes, He carries me and mine, even there.  This belief I declare is intended to be a verb; an action of trust and it all begins by uncurling the clenched fingers, letting go of fear and worry and embracing a good God and everything He chooses to give. 
Perched on the kitchen sill is that iron bird, bathed in pink and orange; first light, calling me to the hard and daily work of trust.  And by trusting, I find there is no worry. 

1 comment:

  1. Happy Motherse day Mom
    I hope you Have a grate Motherse Day